61 visitors to my blog on the 1st day, and tons of likes. Thank you all so incredibly much for stopping by. I have wanted to start a blog for sometime, but with the time constraints of kids and work and chores, it leaves me very little time for my photography or blogging! Something moved me yesterday and worked through me, and made me type up the 1st and 2nd blogs quickly and put them up without hesitation or embarrassment. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because I am a shy person, but it feels weird just to put your real emotions out in the world for anyone to see. It’s a vulnerability that must be overcome to effect positive change and real discussions about our true issues and problems. I pushed through cleaning my kitchen and in a few hours when supper rolled around, there I was staring down a filthy kitchen once again. It is something I have tried to accept and embrace since becoming a mother, that responsibility and worries become endless once you enter the realm of motherhood, yet something is chipping away at my soul every time I have to get back to doing stuff I perhaps would prefer not to be doing. I guess it’s a balance that I am struggling to find. I can say that writing my feelings and putting them out there yesterday was also very therapeutic for me. It feels good not to care what anyone else thinks of you, and to love yourself and put your creative talents out into the world. It’s funny because I never really considered myself creative or to be particularly good at writing. It’s amazing what happens when you just sit down and try. I also feel like it is a divine guidance that gives me the inspiration and drive to actually do something. We all need to listen to our hearts closely and ask what we can do to help someone else and try to make the world a better, happier, and beautiful place to live and enjoy this crazy thing called life. I am sure one day when my child is out of the toddler phase and hopefully done with the ear infections, I will look back at my frustrations feeling I overreacted. The truth is, raising kids is hard, and we shouldn’t feel any shame for feeling emotions that have been around since human beings have existed. There is a reason we feel these emotions, and in feeling that out, and learning how to cope instead of avoid, we can hopefully mitigate the tougher years in our lives. Can’t have a rainbow without a little rain, right?
Well, it took me a whole hour from the time I posted my 1st blog until I had a frustration meltdown. I don’t know how you moms out there do it, this cleaning the whole kitchen 4 times a day, amongst a million other things, is going to drive me to the crazy house. I can’t help it I like things neat, the same things that drive me crazy to do, are the things that make me feel more sane and relaxed when they are done. Funny how that works. I recently went to a psychic group session, and had a reading. Which was followed up by another reading the following week (this is a whole other post!). The message being brought to me was a constant reminder to take care of self, to ask my partner for help and delegate duties before I am erupting like a volcano, and believe me, I erupt. Delegate duties. Seems easy enough. Until your blue in the face from asking and reminding and staring a mess in the face until they are scheduled to complete the task at hand. I finally get my toddler down for his nap, my boyfriend is out at the movies with our 7 year old, and I am thankful it is my time for peace and quiet and a little relaxation. It’s amazing how fast 2 hours can go. I walk into the kitchen and it’s like the sound of a horror movie inside my head. But I just completely cleaned this kitchen yesterday? I just don’t understand, as I stand there in disbelief, staring at the mass of half empty bottles and drinks, dishes everywhere and crumbs encompassing the countertop. Here we go again. Can I leave this for now and come back to it? Something inside won’t let me. I know if I leave it now, it will bother me and gross me out until I do get around to doing it. Do any of you moms out there find your OCD works against you and you find yourself doing everything because your the one it matters so much to? I know my boyfriend enjoys a clean house, but it’s amazing how he has the ability to overlook such things and move on with his day. I feel like Cinderella most days, and i’ve been feeling extra desperate since a few things that took place in my life over the past year. It feels so hard some days to press on. I feel like heading for the hills, running as far away as I can, but in reality, I know I could never leave my kids, and I will miss them incredibly if I ever do get a chance to go anywhere. I have never been on an airplane in my life. If I love my kids and family so much, how can I feel so much stress and rage over these little things? How do I actually change my thinking to be more positive, and not feel like I need to run away? Why can’t I just do my mom duties without feeling resentment? How do I move past my expectations and into a place where I can accept every situation with ease? These are things I hope to find out as I work on my blogs. Stay tuned to find out real ways people like to relax and de-stress!